tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74501538738674953972024-03-05T02:04:43.710-05:00The Cat WidowI turned 30 this year and I'm already a widow. Thank God for my cats.Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.comBlogger354125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-83406903646358025562015-11-04T22:23:00.000-05:002015-11-04T22:23:28.750-05:00UntitledFor the last 3 days I've been turning something over and over in my head. I am SO ready to write, but just can't seem to settle on a new blog title. I have a million and one *ideas* but none of them translate to a blog title that makes me proud. I don't think it's my perfectionist tendencies coming out...rather, I think it's that I am trying to pigeon hole what I have to say into a tiny category Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-78890615107995441572015-10-14T21:27:00.000-04:002015-10-14T21:27:29.458-04:00Birthday Reflection Fueled by LoveI know it's been a while since I've posted. It wasn't because nothing was happening. On the contrary, it was because so much was happening. There are so many things I could have shared...so many things I could have written...but the fact of the matter is, I have been (at least in part) holding back on the blog out of respect and privacy for the man who has (in a nutshell) lit up my life.
Much toArielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-30627523596364565172015-08-15T11:07:00.002-04:002015-08-15T11:07:38.207-04:00Check InIt's been over a month since I last blogged. I find that these days, the more I have to say, the less I write.
But I miss the blog, you miss the blog, we all miss the blog...and while my posts may be more sporadic, the blog is still here.
The new job is going well. I still find that I miss my old job, especially around 8:45 every morning when my internal clock tugs on my heart Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-86981038967542703972015-07-11T12:06:00.001-04:002015-07-11T12:06:46.602-04:00Bright SunMy first week at the new job has come to a close. I feel good about my decision to leave my last place of employment, but I have to admit that I miss my old job terribly. I am struggling to get into a new groove, and while I know it will happen, it hasn't happened yet.
I have met a lot of great people at my new job...and the work itself is rewarding and just the right amount of challenging.
As Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-79023246731326534732015-07-05T20:25:00.000-04:002015-07-05T20:30:35.929-04:00What's CookingTonight I did something I haven't done for a long time: I cooked a real recipe.
Over a year ago, back when Rick was still alive, it was typical for me to cook several nights a week. I made meals that lasted for more than one night, but I cooked a lot. I had a whole binder of collected recipes and I flipped through it every weekend in order to make my shopping list so I could plan our Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-5069965791969841642015-07-02T18:18:00.000-04:002015-07-05T19:32:17.434-04:00SparksThere are people we meet who ignite a spark within us, people who pop into our lives and suddenly it's like they have always belonged there. The unexpected, when it's terrible and painful, is brutal - a reality check and a loss of ground. The unexpected, when it's beautiful and awesome, is exhilarating - a dream come true and a lesson in inner happiness.
It's exciting when you find parts Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-34434113727259182822015-06-18T07:39:00.000-04:002015-06-18T19:33:09.008-04:00ChangesTwo weeks ago today, I resigned from my current job and gave 4 weeks' notice. I have two weeks left. In July, I will begin a new journey - head first in the field of grief and loss - as a Hospice Social Worker for a large health network. I'm excited. Helping people as they die, helping people as they cope with the death of those they love, walking through the bereavement process day after day - Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-84720712912554919402015-06-09T21:35:00.001-04:002015-06-09T21:36:21.434-04:00On the BrinkThere are things to share. The journey hasn't ended simply because I hit a year and stopped writing daily. Changes are brewing. Everything is swimming around...but at the same time, everything is opening up - a wide expanse of opportunity. And even on top of that, things are falling into place. I'm not exactly sure how those three things can happen all at once, but they are.I think back to Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-85318042356350128612015-05-31T09:56:00.000-04:002015-05-31T09:56:01.256-04:00I'm Still HereIt's been a week without blogging and it feels good... but as I used to say on my old blog: through a writer's eyes, the world is a tale to be told...
And I'm a writer, no question about it.
So I need to write.
Maybe not every day, but I need to write.
I've been thinking a lot about the reach of writing. I'd like to write a book. The thing is, I already have a book. Here. On this blog. Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-59182630306982998412015-05-24T21:44:00.000-04:002015-05-24T21:45:32.750-04:00At Last: New Beginnings
I position myself in the billowing breeze,
Just to see if I’ll waver,
And I say what I please.
The triumph I feel when I stand on my own
Lifts me up to the sky
Unlike all else I’ve known.
© Arielle Lee Bair 2008
I went away with specific intentions to fulfill and came back lighter, completely ready for new beginnings.
Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-3072196494774111662015-05-23T06:30:00.000-04:002015-05-24T07:54:13.452-04:00Ceremony at SunriseBack in September of 2014, I wrote a post called Ashes to Wind, and I envisioned what I'd do when I finally scattered Rick's ashes in Maine. I've had a picture in my mind of what I wanted that event to look like... and here I am, fulfilling it at last.
Today, to mark a year, to say good bye, to fulfill his wish, and to get some closure around his death since there is no grave and abruptly never Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-75799237954990833002015-05-19T21:59:00.001-04:002015-05-19T21:59:17.611-04:00IdentityOne day, I don't want to be known as the cat widow anymore. I can appreciate that what happened to me has shaped me and given me new perspective. I am glad I ran with it and made a new life for myself. But I don't want my struggle to be my identity. And so...one day, I don't want to be the cat widow anymore. I think my life is moving in the right direction...and I'm excited.Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-56188800868912827432015-05-18T21:43:00.002-04:002015-05-18T21:43:53.636-04:00No More Firsts
I made it.
Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-63987374536500080652015-05-17T21:17:00.000-04:002015-05-17T21:17:59.860-04:00Where It All BeganTomorrow is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. But many people read my nightly blog posts the following morning, so it seems fitting to get this all out as I prepare to settle in for the night and wake up on May 18th - a sad, scary day which also happens to be my new Day One. Today is the last day of my year one. Today I described my first 365 days as a widow as "this terrible, Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-15566240458085912242015-05-16T21:48:00.002-04:002015-05-16T21:48:56.756-04:00Waiting for SleepLast night, I had two nightmares...but then I had a pretty interesting dream.
I was sitting in the backseat of a moving car. Someone was driving me, but I'm not sure where I was heading. I had my hands in my lap and I was looking out the side window of the car, watching everything passing by.
All of a sudden, an older man in the front passenger's seat turned around to look at me. WithArielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-67084568419990175612015-05-15T22:27:00.002-04:002015-05-15T22:28:01.308-04:00Thoughts Aloud
Today when I got home from work, I found myself walking around my house aimlessly, putting dirty laundry in the hamper, feeding my cats, replacing paper towels, looking in the refrigerator, staring at my calendar, gazing out the window...
I found myself standing in my living room, saying out loud to my cats, "Well guys, we did it. It's been almost a year. Can you believe it?"
Then I Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-45740779156124312252015-05-14T18:52:00.000-04:002015-05-14T18:52:23.781-04:00Almost ThereI feel as though I am involved in a countdown of sorts. I'm just waiting for Monday to show up and pass. A year of pain over. I want to check it off a mental to-do list. I want to breathe that sigh of relief. I think I am feeling a bit of anticipation anxiety about the 18th.
I feel healed and healthy and happy... I feel in charge of my life... but I am afraid (perhaps unnecessarily so) ofArielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-22322563866673959872015-05-13T23:20:00.001-04:002015-05-13T23:20:51.861-04:00RestorationI didn't blog last night, mostly because I didn't feel like it. I'm feeling a change in the air... a good one.
I see multiple doors opening in various areas of my life. I feel transition all around me like a rhythmic heartbeat.
I have been thinking about the word "healed." Grief can't be cured or fixed or gotten over. But healing does happen.
Healed (verb):
- to restore to health or Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-76169147276505463032015-05-11T21:54:00.003-04:002015-05-11T21:54:41.434-04:00Speechless
I started typing a whole post... but then I just stopped.
I guess I'm feeling a little speechless tonight. It's a good thing.
Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-4091302341581969352015-05-10T21:59:00.000-04:002015-05-10T21:59:35.192-04:00Lucky MeIt's funny, but I was more emotional today than I was on Rick's birthday. Grief is full of unexpected feelings.
I went to visit my former mother-in-law this morning with a card, flowers, and chocolate. I apologized that her son Rick could not be the one visiting her, that instead she got me. I told her even though Rick was dead, even if I eventually have a new mother-in-law, that she would Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-17961343508924898042015-05-09T22:01:00.000-04:002015-05-09T22:01:24.159-04:00Somewhere to StayEarlier tonight, I fell asleep in my living room chair for about 2 hours. While I was asleep, I had a dream that I was alone on vacation somewhere warm, walking from house to house and hotel to hotel, trying to find a place to stay. Every place I came to looked special in some way - fun or beautiful or comfortable - but I could never find a person anywhere who could help me. At once place that Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-44307600225721534742015-05-08T21:36:00.001-04:002015-05-08T22:42:23.080-04:00A Great DayToday is Rick's birthday. As I stared at the greeting cards last night at Wegman's, it felt weird not buying him a card. But...
Despite the fact that I couldn't sleep and woke up and went into work way too early, today was not weird.
In fact...
Today was a great day.
Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-30160546462129162612015-05-07T23:30:00.000-04:002015-05-08T00:25:55.595-04:00Effects of the Sun
Last week, in a work meeting, someone tried to describe a tragedy that had befallen their family: "This is something that happens to other people. Not you." I nodded along. Yes. I understand that feeling very well.
Like everyone else, I went through life reading books about people who committed suicide, watched TV shows or movies in which characters shot themselves in the head, saw newsArielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-91921832099700522592015-05-06T23:27:00.003-04:002015-05-06T23:27:42.694-04:00CapableOne word kept popping into my head tonight as I pondered this wonderful thing called life and the roller coaster of the past year:
capable (adjective)
- having the ability, fitness, or quality necessary to do or achieve a specified thing.
- open to or admitting of something.
- able to achieve efficiently whatever one has to do; competent.
I was capable. I am capable. I will be capable.
I Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7450153873867495397.post-33730005625112268522015-05-05T21:58:00.000-04:002015-05-05T21:58:04.738-04:00Words
Over the last year, I've written a lot of words.
A lot.
Well, there's a nifty app that lets you input words to create a word collage... tonight, I made a collage of my blog titles over the last 330 days. The larger the words, the more times the word was used over the course of time.
So I guess you could say at its core, this blog has been about Grief and Time. How Arielle Arbushites, MSW, LSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16847522475111778225noreply@blogger.com0