Flickering

The other day, my mom was over at my house helping me with things like laundry to make the time pass more easily. As we folded clothes on my bed in the bedroom, the large overhead light above the bed flickered for a steady several seconds while we stared at each other.

"It's Rick," I said. "It happens from time to time." I was glad she was there to witness it, because I don't like people to think I make things up to make myself feel better.

The light above my bed has flickered on and off since Rick died. I know it is Rick. In fact, just a few weeks ago, my dad came over to unscrew the big fixture and replace the lightbulb for me, then screw it all back together very tightly. So 1) it's now a brand new bulb and 2) I know for a fact he reattached it even better than before. The light still flickers at different points.

It flickers when I'm thinking about Rick or when a certain song comes on.  Sometimes, I think it flickers to tell me something.

Lately, it's been flickering only in the mornings. I'll be getting ready for work, fixing my hair or putting on makeup in the bathroom. Behind me, through the open door of the master bathroom, I'll see the overhead light in my bedroom flicker for a steady 5-10 seconds before stopping, like a signal to get my attention. It always makes me stop what I'm doing and I say, "Hi, Rick" or "Hi, baby."

I realized today though, that I don't think it's Rick saying hi. I think it's Rick looking out for me, taking care of me.

Lately, for some inexplicable reason, I've been more sluggish in the morning...more forgetful. I mess around on the internet on my phone in bed before getting up. I feed the cats, but I take my time wandering around in my head while I take care of things in my kitchen. By the time I'm actually back upstairs getting dressed and ready, I'm rushing. There's no clock in my bathroom and at least 6 times now, while I'm putting on mascara, changing my earrings, or getting distracted by the song that's playing while I get myself ready to go, the light flickers. I peek out into the bedroom each time to acknowledge what I'm seeing, and when I do, I notice the time on the digital clock. Every time the light flickers, it's about the same time - a time I'm not supposed to still be upstairs in my bedroom. A time I should be grabbing my purse and running out the door to get my butt to work...

This has happened so many times now that today, it clicked. There's no clock in the bathroom. I'm wallowing or dilly-dallying and he's getting my attention to let me know it's time to go. If he didn't flicker the light, I'd be late to work - no question about it. I'd never be alerted to look in the bedroom at the clock.

So this morning, when the light flickered, I said, "Thanks, Rick!" then glanced at the clock (sure enough, I needed to MOVE) and ran downstairs and off to work.