Freedom

This is the sign that hangs on my bedroom wall. I bought it after Rick died, sometime in July I believe. 

I want freedom in life, freedom in grief, freedom in love, freedom in friendship, freedom in routine or lack thereof, freedom of expression...

And even freedom to change my mind. 

I want freedom in life. I want to follow my passions, my dreams, and my goals. I want to embrace opportunities, make mistakes, and learn. I don't want to be held back. I want to live with zeal. I want make my own decisions.

I want freedom in grief. I want to grieve the way I want to grieve... I want to be happy when I feel like it. I want to be sad when I feel like it. I want to cry or not cry. I want to ask questions. I want to NOT KNOW all the answers. I want to escape judgment. I want to receive comfort. I want to change if change is part of grief.

I want freedom in love. I want to follow my heart and my instincts. I want to have hope that brighter days will come. I want to be open and accepting. 

I want freedom in friendship. I want to spend time with different people... Or maybe the same people... Or maybe both. I want to know who is right at each time. I want to spread my time or create rituals. I want to enhance the friendships I have. I want to be the kind of friend that so many have been to me.

I want freedom in routine (or lack thereof). I want to make my own schedule. I want to be alone. Or be with people. I want to make lists. Or throw them away. I want to clean or be messy. I want to do what is right for me. I want to tailor my life to me. 

I want freedom of expression. I want to write. Or paint. Or scream. Or cry. Or laugh. Or run. Or do nothing at all.

Freedom is a beautiful and a scary thing.