Meaningful Misery

I have heard the four month mark is hard. I believe it now, because as I approach 4 months post-Rick, I feel the changes and the sadness in a different way. The last 3 weeks have been an interesting blend of worry, grief bursts, and even a little wallowing. The triumphs and celebrations happen too, of course, but I do sense a grief shift and my emotions have a sense of new-ness to them. 

After I woke up this morning and fed the cats, I walked back upstairs to get ready for work and I climbed back in bed. I sat there, then I laid there. I stared at the ceiling. I willed myself not to cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. But then I thought: why not? These emotions make me who I am. I must allow them. The only way out is through. 

So I let the tears come...and they were done in just a few minutes. I got out of bed. I played some music. I got ready to go. I smiled. 

Emotions help us survive. When we feel sadness, we automatically seek out the things that will make us happier, because we want to feel better than we do when we are unhappy, in pain, or distressed. My emotions of sadness, despair, and worry push me to move onward and upward... cause me to surround myself with positive people and experiences... fuel me to create my own brighter days. 

My emotions allow other people to understand me. They provide insight into my life. They help me evaluate what is important and what is not. 

Far too often, being emotional gets a bad rap. People act like it's a downfall, a flaw, a hindrance to being logical or normal... but being emotional is necessary to being human. I'm emotional, and I'm proud.

It's when we don't allow ourselves to feel our emotions that we lose pieces of ourselves, or look to unhealthy coping mechanisms instead, or become robotic and fake.

Emotions mean we feel. And while feeling may sometimes hurt, it is also very wonderful.

If you choose to feel, to be an emotional being, you have to take the bad with the good. Because the alternative is being numb. Feeling nothing. Being devoid of emotion. So you get all (happiness, joy, excitement, sadness, disappointment, grief, love, etc.) or nothing.

Emotions help us grow.