Exposed

Today, in the interest of Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You, I chose to go to work without any makeup. For some women this is nothing. For others, it's a very big deal. I fall in the latter category. I don't necessarily wear a lot of makeup, but I almost always leave the house wearing some, even if that "some" is just (at least!) mascara.

And I have never gone to work without makeup. Part of it has to do with vanity/self-consciousness and part of it has to do with wanting to be taken seriously since everyone thinks I'm younger than my 30 years. 

But today, I felt the fear and did it anyway. I went to work - on a day full of care conferences - without a bit makeup.

I felt awful as I left the house, exposed as I entered my workplace, and self-conscious as talked with people. But as the day wore on, I a) began to forget I wasn't wearing any makeup, b) felt pretty much the same as when I do wear makeup, and c) really didn't even care! 

Feeling vulnerable and exposed isn't a bad thing. It pushes us and teaches us. And it doesn't have to be a big thing. We can start small and work our way up to bigger things. Every challenge in fear I face won't be put on this blog. Some are internal and others are external. Some are private and others are public. Some are small and others are big. But the ones that are worth sharing will be shared. And these mini-adventures have nothing to do with life after death... just LIFE.

Back for a Yes

On Saturday, Jennifer and I walked into a store and saw a bunch of flashy, sexy clothes displayed for New Year's Eve and other festivities. I liked a mini skirt, but told both Jennifer and myself that it was too short for me. Too "young" for me. I picked it up and put it back twice. Eventually, I actually tried it on with a black suede top, talking about how it wasn't right for me the entire time.

[the mini skirt]

[the top]

When I came out of the dressing room, Jennifer said it was the most fun thing she ever saw me wear. "It's too tight and too short," I mused. "I don't wear things like this." "I'm 30 now." "But where would I wear it?" The reasons not to buy it - or WEAR it- tumbled out easily.

I thought it looked good, but it was too sexy. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't have good fashion sense... but I don't typically wear "sexy" clothes.

I put the clothes back. We left the store and enjoyed the rest of our day. Truth be told, I thought about the outfit at least a few times later that day and the next day too.

So tonight, in the interest of Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You, while out Christmas shopping with my mom, I went back into the store and I bought the outfit. 

In fact, my mom talked me into buying this dress as well. "Too tight," I said. "Too short," I said. "Too revealing," I said (and to be fair, my boobs showed a hell of a lot more in the dress than the model's.)

"You never wear anything short," my mom said. "You're young," she said. The sales rep saw me telling my mom the reasons why I should not get it. "I think it looks great," she said. I wasn't sure I agreed, but I bought it anyway.

Today I took the advice of the book and said "Yes!" to something. Now I just need something to do for New Year's Eve.

Past the Comfort Zone

I've been comfortable for too long.

I am ready to really live.

I'm nervous.

I'm scared.

But I'm ready.

I'm curious.

I'm not sure what really living will mean, but figuring it out will be part of the fun. 

I hope.