The Arielle Express

Rick used to marvel at my energy. He would look at me in amazement if I penned a quick poem while we watched TV and asked if I could read it to him. He would go to bed at night while I stayed downstairs replying to endless emails after a long work day and leading a support group. He didn't see how I could work and attend grad school, write a paper, and still have time to make a YouTube video. 

But most of all, he was bewildered by how I could so easily take him along for the ride. He called me the Energizer Bunny with curls.

He was astounded by how much I could get done in one day and still have energy to devote to something with a smile. He'd watch me multi-task and laugh.

When he fell in love with me, he said he was on the Arielle Express. He was caught up, moving, and moving fast. 

He loved me for who I was... And it was refreshing. There are times, in the midst of my going-going-going attitude and momentum, that I remember the "Arielle Express" with fondness.

The Arielle Express still reigns...still chugs along...even in grief. There are times I catch myself remembering that life has changed, for I seem to do and say the same things at the same pace with the same drive. And there are other times when I stand glued to my place in the spectrum of grief, wondering how I got here...a buzzing and energetic train careening to a shocking halt, shaken and dazed. The Arielle Express stops at so many stations on this journey.

Every station is different. Every station holds some kind of lesson. Maybe some new people. Perhaps some old ones. Every station appears far away and remote, a dot in the distance, until the Arielle Express shows up. Then it becomes more familiar... Face to face agenda is presented... And then the Arielle Express chugs onward, a new station glittering in the far-off distance. 

And so it goes... 

But at least it goes.