I Don't Know How to Say Good Bye

I just don't know how to say good bye. Not to Rick. Everything seems so final. It's so hard to let go. Some days I feel like it gets harder, not easier.

I hadn't written any poetry since Rick died. Until tonight. It's not my best work, considering I have a cold and was a tired, sobbing mess when I wrote it. But it says what I really feel. And it is what it is.

I don’t know how to say good bye

To all the things you are.

I parted with your toothbrush,

Your magazines, your car.

Your bathrobe hangs in silence

Against the bedroom wall.

I don’t know how to say good bye

To your sneakers in the hall.

I moved around some photos

To try to fill the space

That’s here now that you’re gone,

But they can’t replace your face.

Your glasses sit and stare at me

Like two familiar eyes.

I don’t know how to say good bye

To your shirts, your pants, your ties.

I don’t know how to say good bye

To seven happy years.

I don’t know how to lie in bed

Without the company of tears.

I know how to say, “Good morning,”

And I know how to say, “Good night.”

I know how to say, “I love you,”

Because they all seem right.

I know how to say, “I miss you,”

Or “I’ll see you soon,”

But I don’t know how stand here

Just staring at the moon.

I know how to say, “I’m home!”

And of course, “I love you too…”

But I don’t know how to say good bye…

I just can’t say that to you.

Not you.

I don’t know how to say good bye

To all the things you are.

It seems like you’ll be coming home.

It seems like you’re not far.

Your photo smiles at me now

From just across the room.

I don’t know how to say good bye

Without a sense of doom.

I moved around some furniture

To try to fill the space

That’s here now that you’re gone,

But it won’t replace your face.

Your chair is my companion;

It holds me like a friend.

I don’t know how to say good bye

To what didn’t have to end.

I don’t know how to say good bye

To seven happy years.

I don’t know how to force myself

To hold back all my tears.

I know how to say, “Good morning,”

And I know how to say, “Good night.”

I know how to say, “I love you,”

Because they all seem right.

The house feels very empty,

But not as empty as my heart.

The nights are much too long

And the days don’t ever start.

I know how to say, “I’m home!”

And of course, “I love you too…”

But I don’t know how to say good bye…

I just can’t say that to you.

Not you.

Maybe it won’t ever feel

Like something I can say.

For now, I’ll say what’s in my heart

And that will be okay.

Good night, my love, good night.

Good night, my missing friend.

I don’t know how to say good bye…

So...until we meet again.