Signs

Grief is tiring. Grief is hard work. Grief is emotional. But you know what's fun? Looking for signs.

There are messages everywhere. Like when my parents went on their cruise just a few weeks after Rick died and my mom called to tell me that the captain's name was Rick.

Then my parents went on vacation again last week. They stayed at the same Inn where they stay every year. My mom saw that there was new management. The old manager's name was Rick. So she asked the new one if Rick was gone. The new manager said yes...but that his name was actually Rick too.

Then she was shopping. When on vacation, she always bought me a gift and she always bought Rick a gift. Every year. She sent me this text message.

Rick and his Bliss. He tells me things too. Like the night he woke me from my nightmare to comfort me, even from beyond.

I still wish I could dream about him, because I miss his face so much, but since it hasn't happened yet... I love the little signs he sends. The song that comes on the radio just as I'm thinking of it. The car that passes me as I run that looks just like his car. A phone call from a kind friend at the exact right moment. The light that went on above my bed when I was crying in desperation. Cold medicine and remedies showing up on my work desk the day after I missed him being able to take care of me when I was sick. The note he led me to on my first day back to work.

He's not letting me know that's he's okay. I already know that. I don't worry. He's beyond this earthly stuff now. What he's letting me know is that I'll be okay.