Whole

There are these questions that always seem to be ever-present in conversations of grief and loss. How can I be whole again? When will I be whole again?

I don't worry about that. I know it's possible, because I was always whole to start with.

I existed before this death - long before Rick came into my life, in fact - and I was whole. I slept, I breathed, I played, I worked, I laughed, I cried, I wrote, I talked, I lived...

I knew myself and I still know myself. A work of art, with lots of layers of paint and detail, I am now simply a work of art with extra layers and extra detail. This death has enhanced me, not broken me apart.

I am whole.

I'll always be whole.

I'm not half of a person...I'm not lost because Rick is no longer here...I'm different, but I'm still me.

And it will take a lot more than death to break me down.

Wholeness comes from within, like peace... like happiness. It's an inside job, and if complications come my way, as they certainly and inevitably will, I'll still be whole.

I embrace the grief, but I don't give it power it doesn't need to have. It does not have power over me.

This grief comes and I greet it - sometimes it feels like a friend and other times it feels like an enemy. But always, I greet it the same way, the way I would any person I meet in life. I teach it to treat me as the whole person I am.

Grief, show me your worst! Grief, show me your best! I'm not always ready, but at least I am always whole.