Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Voter #100

I voted this morning on my way to work. Gone are the days when my husband would be at my side. We used to go together in the morning or at least follow each other to the polls in 2 separate cars.

I filled out my slip and waited in line. I watched as the volunteer opened the book to the page of registered voters, pointing to my name for me to sign that I was there to vote today. Below my name was Rick's.

Empty space for his signature. 

Empty feeling in my heart.

Rick Bair. He won't be voting today.

As I was signing my name, I heard a volunteer say to a female voter in the line aside of me, "Oh, you're the other half!" as she opened the book to a page for her to sign above her husband's signature, since he had voted earlier.

Moments like that make me feel like I'm living in an alternate universe. Like Rick must be voting later too, signing his name below mine in the book. 

I was voter number 99 this morning. Rick would have been number 100.

I wrote this post earlier today, but didn't have a chance to post it. I was feeling a bit down because my world seemed off-kilter. But then I had dinner with Rick's brother Keith and his wife Kathy tonight before they head back to Florida. They reminded me of all the things I deserve... and as we talked, I could feel how hard I was smiling. Because I am actually excited about life. And I am sure they could see it too. So when I got home, it no longer felt right to post this blog entry without this addendum. This morning, I was mourning life without Rick by my side... and tonight, interestingly enough, I could hear parts of Rick in every word my brother-in-law said, both joking and serious...and what I heard was Rick saying, "Just do it. Just do it. Do everything you could never do when I was by your side."

No comments:

Post a Comment

Help me feel less alone.