Goodness

There are nights I sit here, waiting to see what I'll write. It's not because I don't have anything to say...it's not because I don't know what to say. It's because I have too much to say. And on nights like that, rather than write a long post, babbling on and on, getting philosophical or introspective to the max, I look back. I click through the archives and take myself back to different posts in my own mental timeline, just to see how I've fared.

12 weeks ago, I wrote:

It's fun to play this game of life, but sometimes I'd rather just take a deep breath, fall, and be caught. I get tired just like everyone else. I get scared.

11 weeks ago:

I don't know what I'm doing...I don't know what I'm doing at all...but at least I'm having fun.

10 weeks ago, I wrote:

Life is a ride. A pretty cool ride actually. Every single day - no, every single moment - is a crossroads of some sort. You can take so many different paths - left, right, back, forward...you can even stand still. You get to decide. Even though there are so many curveballs, so many circumstances, so many risks, so many questions, so many positives and negatives, we get to decide what direction we take. And that in itself is empowering.

At 9 weeks, I skipped a night of blogging because "I wanted to feel everything but keep it and not give it away."

At 8 weeks, I examined the subtle differences between promises and guarantees, even making promises to myself.

7 weeks ago, I wrote:

The outer layers of the onion that is my heart are no longer ripped and shredded and bruised. They've been ripped away completely and that strong, resilient core is all that's left. My heart beats in a different way now.

And I really like it.

No, I love it.

6 weeks ago:

I enjoy being pleasantly surprised. That tends to be the most fulfilling kind of life - the kind that surprises you.

5 weeks ago, I wrote:

The Universe works at its own pace. And since my every day already holds great things, it's easy to believe that even better things are coming. As Tom Petty sings, "The waiting is the hardest part..." But I will always, always, always wait for the things that are worthwhile in this life.

4 weeks ago, I listed the things that are important to me in life (living in the moment, positive relationships with the people in your life, genuine interactions, kindness, laughter, real love, hope, passion, honesty, respect, and fulfillment).

3 weeks ago, I wrote:

The quiet, soft, open kind of crying is the kind of crying that so few have seen...the kind that brings me closer to those who have witnessed it...and closer still to those who have wrapped me up (figuratively or literally) in their love and understanding.

2 weeks ago:

I'm resilient, folks. Don't expect to see me crash and burn. I am full of life.

And 1 week ago:

If you have no expectations, everything is a gift.

And tonight, I sit here typing at almost midnight, looking at just the titles of my blog posts over the last 3 months...

Titles like Enthusiasm, Surprise, Alive, All In, Happy, Celebration, Positive Change, The Amazing, Serendipity, and Laughter jump out at me...

I must be onto something here.