Wednesday, February 18, 2015


2 months ago, I posted this short entry about fear: Every Risk.

I re-read it tonight and nodded along. I remember when I made that promise to myself. It's funny though, because when we make promises to ourselves, we aren't able to predict what will transpire along life's path. I continue to be taken by surprise.

Surprises are inevitable, I suppose. And I tell myself that I must try to remember that there is a plan for me and surprises may be a part of it. I will welcome them, I will welcome them.

Tomorrow, I meet with my attorney "to finalize the estate." There is no estate, so I'm not exactly sure what my appointment will entail. I was left with nothing. Just the money in my checking account, which was not much considering Rick was collecting unemployment when he died and we were living paycheck to paycheck. I sold his car to pay for the funeral. I know there's some money in his retirement account, but it's not much. And I haven't had access to it yet, even 9 months later. The business side of death is ridiculous.

I can't wait for this to all be over. I can't wait to break away from this heavy, disconnected paperwork that holds me back from feeling free.

There is more to life than money, more to life than assets, more to life than material things we collect over the years. I am happy with what I have. So many people have much less.

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Help me feel less alone.