Showing posts with label risk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label risk. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Surprise

2 months ago, I posted this short entry about fear: Every Risk.

I re-read it tonight and nodded along. I remember when I made that promise to myself. It's funny though, because when we make promises to ourselves, we aren't able to predict what will transpire along life's path. I continue to be taken by surprise.

Surprises are inevitable, I suppose. And I tell myself that I must try to remember that there is a plan for me and surprises may be a part of it. I will welcome them, I will welcome them.


Tomorrow, I meet with my attorney "to finalize the estate." There is no estate, so I'm not exactly sure what my appointment will entail. I was left with nothing. Just the money in my checking account, which was not much considering Rick was collecting unemployment when he died and we were living paycheck to paycheck. I sold his car to pay for the funeral. I know there's some money in his retirement account, but it's not much. And I haven't had access to it yet, even 9 months later. The business side of death is ridiculous.

I can't wait for this to all be over. I can't wait to break away from this heavy, disconnected paperwork that holds me back from feeling free.

There is more to life than money, more to life than assets, more to life than material things we collect over the years. I am happy with what I have. So many people have much less.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

You Get to Decide

I stumbled upon this tonight, purely by accident. But I have to say - I just love it!


"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."
"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, if this isn't nice, I don't know what is."
"The unexamined life is not worth living."
"Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile."

Life is a ride. A pretty cool ride actually. Every single day - no, every single moment - is a crossroads of some sort. You can take so many different paths - left, right, back, forward...you can even stand still. You get to decide. Even though there are so many curveballs, so many circumstances, so many risks, so many questions, so many positives and negatives, we get to decide what direction we take. And that in itself is empowering.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Trouble

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm having fun. 

trouble (verb):
1. to disturb the mental calm and contentment of; worry; distress; agitate
2. to put to inconvenience, exertion, pains, or the like
3. to disturb, agitate, or stir up 

trouble (noun):
1. unfortunate or distressing position, circumstance, or occurrence; misfortune
2. civil disorder, disturbance, or conflict
3. mental or emotional disturbance or distress; worry


I smile and smirk and daydream my way through a day, embracing risk and fun, but when it comes down to it, I don't want trouble... I don't want to be in trouble... and I don't want to be trouble. 

There are times I want to scream, "Please someone, help me get my crazy widow head on straight!"

There are other times I want to yell, "Let me do what I want! I'm an adult!"

To use a phrase from one of the definitions above, I feel stirred up. 

God, the problem is, I like that feeling. I like feeling stirred up... because I like to feel.