A new ritual has begun. On my way to the suicide survivors support group, I listen to our songs in my car. Rick's and my songs, that is. I'm not able to listen to them without crying, so it seemed appropriate to listen on my way to a place of healing. The CD currently in my car is the last one Rick was listening to before he died.
I started my journey tonight with "It Hurts Me Too," by Bob Dylan.
So run here baby, put your little hands in mine
I've got something to tell you
I know you're gonna change your mind
When things go wrong, so wrong with you
It hurts me too.
I shared my blog link with the group members. I didn't cry, though I did get an instantaneous headache when details of suicide deaths came up as a topic of conversation.
On the way home from the group, I provided myself with a nutritious dinner of Taco Bell and red wine. I pulled into my driveway, prepared to blog, and my journey home ended with "Bring It On Home," by Little Big Town.
You got someone here wants to make it alright
Someone who loves you more than life right here
You got willing arms that'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you on through the night right here
I know your heart can get all tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me
I suppressed the urge to call, "Hi, Rick! I'm home!" when I walked in the door, but I watched again the beautiful, funny, sweet, and loving video some of my friends made for me collaboratively. They sent their love across miles and even oceans in song and dance. They made me smile. So I put the tears away and started my evening at home with "You've Got a Friend in Me"...
You've got a friend in me
You got troubles and I got 'em too
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you
We stick together, we can see it through
'Cause you've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me...
Thank you, friends. I'm doing it. I'm healing.