Monday, June 23, 2014


My keychain feels lighter. 
My driveway feels emptier.
Rick's car is gone.

It gives me a twinge of pain to know that it's gone. I did have a sad drive to the notary to do the title transfer. It felt weird to be driving Rick's car...and more, to be driving Rick's car for the last time.  It felt weird to think that he will never drive it again. That I'll never see it on my street again.

But I also felt a new and surprising emotion: relief. After jumping through several hoops, completing paperwork, and registering the will, I have the money to pay for the funeral and some other bills. It's done. I don't have to see Rick's car, parked forlornly on the street, waiting for an owner that is never coming home. I feel lighter. Less weighed down.

I am only one person, and now I only have one car. I am only one person, and now I only have one set of keys. I feel freer. Relieved.

When I got home tonight after selling Rick's car, I fed the cats and immediately got in my car to run an errand. Rick's sunglasses still mingle with mine in the dashboard tray of the car. He sometimes drove my car, so he always left a pair there. I picked them up and drove into the sun, wearing Rick's sunglasses instead of my own. I smiled. I breathed a sigh of relief. Said a few words to Rick. Smiled again. I actually felt...good. So you know what I did?

I turned on the radio.

And I sang along.


  1. So glad that you are feeling some relief...and that you were able to sing along. XO

  2. Let the healing continue! When my Dad passed away my Mom sold his car to a friend that was living with us at the time. She said she always got this rise of excitement followed by the fall of 'Damn it. It's not him'. That carried on until the guest finally moved on. It was then that her healing could finally continue. It's all about steps and becoming strong enough to take them and bright enough to recognize them and the value of each. I am happy for you as you recognize you are taking steps. Please continue to share these steps as your life becomes your own again. May you continue to find peace as transition back to your own life again. Good for you!!!


Help me feel less alone.