I spent the morning talking to Social Security, answering a million questions for a one time payment of $255 in death benefits, then visited Rick's mom. We did our usual crying, talked about Rick, and held hands.
I spent the rest of the day with my good friend Jennifer. She made me laugh on more than one occasion and our travels found us eating frozen yogurt and trying on sunglasses. Her husband Matthew joined us for dinner, which he brought with him to my house. It feels good to be among people who know what I need and in what quantities I need it.
I had moral support from Jennifer when I opened my mail today - but nothing scary or frustrating was in it.
Jennifer and Matthew both text me daily on their phones. Sometimes I have conversations with both of them at once and I imagine them sitting side by side in their home, talking to me separately. It makes me smile.
I think about how Rick and I were supposed to have dinner with them on May 26th. We were looking forward to it. By the time May 26th rolled around, Rick was dead and I went alone. Sometimes I like to imagine what our dinner date would have been like if Rick had been there. It's strange the things that go through my mind. If Rick had only been alive one more week, I might have had more great memories to add to my list.
After Jennifer and Matthew left my house (knowing and understanding how vital my blog time is to my healing process right now), I began to think about the ways in which Rick lives on. On a whim, I visited The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website and noticed the tab labeled "News and Events." Then, "Out of Darkness Walks."
I found myself praying as I scrolled that there would be a walk this year in my area. It won't bring Rick back, but it felt right. I did a search for PA and there it was: Greater Lehigh Valley Walk, October 5th, 2014.
Before 2 minutes passed, I had registered myself and started a team. When asked to name my team, I typed the first thing that came to my heart: Rick Lives On.
The walk is from 12:00pm to 3:00pm that Sunday. It's less than 4 months away. It's also the week before my birthday. Instead of sending me a card or buying me a gift this year, join my team. Walk with me to honor Rick and help me heal. If you aren't local, be a virtual walker on my team. If that's too much, just donate a couple bucks online.
My page is up. (Arielle Bair for Rick Lives On)
My team is open. (Rick Lives On)
All contributions help the work of the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention).
As an MSW, LSW and as a surviving spouse, this cause is important to me. Help me help Rick live on.