Something for Me

I'm selling Rick's car tomorrow. I need the money from the car sale to pay for the funeral, so I can't put it off.

I cleaned out his car today after work. It was Rick's, so of course it was already spotless, but I had to collect the personal items: his back pillows for pain, his glasses, and his tic-tacs. Touching his glasses made immediate tears spring to my eyes, and never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that shaking a container of tic-tacs could make me feel sad.

Since I had to gather paperwork for the notary tomorrow, I also went through every file in Rick's desk to make a pile for the attorney I'm enlisting to help me finalize all my finances, accounts, and legal documents. Piles in place by my purse on the kitchen table, I felt more organized. I moved on to a cabinet in my living room, trying to make sure there was nothing important still left unfound.

I talked to Rick as I sifted through endless papers, and I found myself saying, "I wish I could find something you left behind for ME. Why couldn't you leave something for me besides a suicide note?" I asked him to help me find something that would make me smile and show me he remembered me before leaving me.

I was actually starting to get annoyed. Bills, papers, emails, taxes... isn't there anything nice left here for me? 

Finished with my sifting and gathering and organizing, I opened the small drawer in his desk where he kept things like a candle lighter, his glasses, and his passport. Underneath those items, I saw what I thought was a piece of paper, so I dug it out. It was a Hallmark greeting card, tucked in the lip of a white envelope.

I flipped it over and started to cry. It was a birthday card, still unsigned...for me. He had bought me a birthday card already...and my birthday isn't until October.

I decided that I'm going to seal it up and save it to read again on my birthday in 4 months. Thank you, Rick, for helping me find this tonight. Thank you for hearing me.