Wednesday, September 17, 2014


This is the sign that hangs on my bedroom wall. I bought it after Rick died, sometime in July I believe. 

I want freedom in life, freedom in grief, freedom in love, freedom in friendship, freedom in routine or lack thereof, freedom of expression...

And even freedom to change my mind. 

I want freedom in life. I want to follow my passions, my dreams, and my goals. I want to embrace opportunities, make mistakes, and learn. I don't want to be held back. I want to live with zeal. I want make my own decisions.

I want freedom in grief. I want to grieve the way I want to grieve... I want to be happy when I feel like it. I want to be sad when I feel like it. I want to cry or not cry. I want to ask questions. I want to NOT KNOW all the answers. I want to escape judgment. I want to receive comfort. I want to change if change is part of grief.

I want freedom in love. I want to follow my heart and my instincts. I want to have hope that brighter days will come. I want to be open and accepting. 

I want freedom in friendship. I want to spend time with different people... Or maybe the same people... Or maybe both. I want to know who is right at each time. I want to spread my time or create rituals. I want to enhance the friendships I have. I want to be the kind of friend that so many have been to me.

I want freedom in routine (or lack thereof). I want to make my own schedule. I want to be alone. Or be with people. I want to make lists. Or throw them away. I want to clean or be messy. I want to do what is right for me. I want to tailor my life to me. 

I want freedom of expression. I want to write. Or paint. Or scream. Or cry. Or laugh. Or run. Or do nothing at all.

Freedom is a beautiful and a scary thing. 


  1. But you can do all these things. You can have all the freedom you allow yourself to have. And, yes, it could be scary. But it's worth it.

  2. Widowed almost 3 months ago. I'm having these feelings.


Help me feel less alone.