Monday, December 1, 2014


A week of no blogging has elapsed. I've returned home, ready to revisit the usual nightly ritual. It may be the first time in the history of this blog that I hold back, though I suppose there's a depth of honesty just in admitting that.

In the simplest terms, I went away and now I'm back. In more complicated terms, I'm not sure I have the words to explain further. What I can say is that on the flight out, I could feel the tension in my neck and back as I sat in my seat on the airplane. I was very aware of my physical discomfort during the hours on the plane. But today, on my flight home, the tension was gone. And the absence of it was almost as prominent as the previous discomfort from a week ago had been.

It was an adventure in many ways. Some of those ways were emotional, maybe even spiritual. Some of those ways were face value tasks. For example, I traveled by myself for the first time by plane. I went somewhere far from home alone. To some, that is not a big deal. To me, it was an adventure.

I'm not really as sheltered as I might seem at first glance - I've just been used to a way of life that held very little adventure. That is changing. After all, what is life if not an adventure?

As for this particular past week's adventure, the tangle of stuff I feel doesn't completely make sense in my own mind, so I'll leave it off the blog for now. I had a great time away. There was laughter. There were tears. There were words. There were questions. I'm happier now than I was when I left.

And I will certainly never forget it.

Truth be told, I struggled with holding back tears as it came time for me to catch my flight home. And as I raced through the airport to my gate, I couldn't help feeling that my physical motion didn't match what I was feeling inside, and I couldn't help thinking:

"What am I running back to?"

As I sat in my seat on the plane waiting for takeoff, I had a lump in my throat. As the plane took off, I cried silently for a minute as the rush of sound and pressure hit, unable to shake the feeling that I was being forcefully pushed back into my old life in Pennsylvania. Like, "Here we go - back to reality."

So the takeoff pushed out my tears and then I swallowed. And as the plane plateaued smoothly in the sky, I thought to myself:

"So this is what not being afraid feels like."

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