I check myself pretty quickly though and pull that positive attitude back in. I make lists of stuff I'd like to do. I imagine what might happen if money was no object or if I had all the free time in the world. I guess it's really all up to me regardless.
God, I wish I knew how things would turn out. I wish I had the peace of mind. It's hard to live a life doing all the things you felt you should be doing only to have it turned upside down.
It's difficult to take deep breaths and just expect that things will work out okay now. It feels kind of at odds with the track record. It feels like I'm jinxing myself.
But I don't believe in that. I only believe in the good of the world and the fact that the universe has my back.
I really do.
Sometimes I'm still scared. But I really do believe that I'm going to be protected and okay.
It's really the only way to live.