Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Say What You Need to Say

15 days until Christmas... and it barely feels like Christmas at all. I have been listening to Christmas music since last Friday... I went Christmas shopping... but it feels a bit like a phantom holiday since I skipped Thanksgiving all together. (Glad I did.)

I decided not to put up a tree this year. Not because I'm boycotting Christmas. I love Christmas. Just because I didn't feel like going through my bins of ornaments in the basement and sorting through the Star Trek ones I bought for Rick every year and the couples ones too. Truth is, I know I'm not going to keep ornaments that celebrated our marriage. I won't put them up from here on out and I don't need them stored in a bin somewhere. But it feels a little sacrilegious to toss them right now at Christmas time.

I feel as if they don't belong to me anymore... and I'm okay with that.


I have a new lease on life and I'm going to follow my heart at all costs. I'm not afraid. Life is too short to be afraid. Little steps, big steps... whatever they are, they are just part of a ladder to higher things.

Nothing like Christmas time and the approaching new year to make a person think and reflect.

There may be a lot of things I haven't done in my 30 years on this earth, but I'm not quite as reserved as people might think. I have a bold streak and I'm going to show it. For me, it usually starts with words rather than actions. I tend to say the things other people shy away from saying. Not in an outspoken kind of way... more in an open kind of way. I'm not afraid. Life is too short to be afraid.

Sometimes, there are a lot of things I want to say. And I don't want to go to sleep at night until I've said them. Sometimes it means writing here on the blog. Sometimes it means a text message to a friend. Other times it means an email or a journal entry or a prayer to God. But whatever I want to say, I'm saying it. Every day. I'm not afraid. Life is too short to be afraid. Watch out.

3 comments:

  1. How about making a non-traditional magazine tree? It is super easy and cute. http://sevenclowncircus.com/magazine-christmas-tree/ I so admire your bravery and ability to be open to all of us who read your blog. You are an inspirational woman and I just wanted you to know I thought so.

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  2. "I'm not afraid. Life is too short to be afraid." Oh, I needed this reminder. My days are wrapped in anxiety, and I want more than anything to break free of that. You're inspiring me to try.

    By the way, speaking of you being inspiring, I came across your Letters On Monday project and it sounds really lovely and great and fulfilling, and I think I'm gonna do something similar starting in the new year (I hope you don't mind!). I can't really go anywhere beyond my own small town, but I bet I can find plenty of places to leave notes for people. I think it would be helpful for me, where I'm at in my life right now.

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Help me feel less alone.