A little over an hour ago, a friend said something to me about crying. And I realized something amazing:
Yesterday was the first day since Rick died that I did not cry.
He will be dead 5 months on Saturday. I have cried every single day. Sometimes it's a monsoon. Sometimes it's a trickle. Sometimes it's a meltdown. And lately, it's been just a moment or two in the morning, before bed, or when something unexpected catches me off guard. But yesterday, I did not cry once.
It finally happened. It took 5 months of pain, but it finally happened. A tear-free day.
Even as I type it out, it sounds both ridiculous and powerful. I never would have imagined that it could possibly take so long to go just one day without tears. 150 days is a long time. That is a huge stretch without a tear-free day.
But here I am. Finally.
I know that there will still be days of tears, even if the tears only last for a minute. I know that I could even cry again tonight and go a while longer without another tear-free day again. But it was a milestone. And it means that more tear-free days are in my future.
Somewhere, soaking up rays of peace, I imagine Rick breathing a little easier. Here's to more tear-free days to come.