Saturday, October 18, 2014

It Could Have Been...

It could have been a bad day, but it wasn't.

It might have been a difficult day, but it wasn't.

It could have been a sad day, but it wasn't. 

It might have been a lonely day, but it wasn't. 

Today, it is 5 months since Rick died...since he took his own life...since my whole existence changed. I met the anniversary head on with my friend Jennifer.  We had our first annual Pumpkin Day.

We did all things pumpkin. We began the morning with pumpkin pancakes. Then we went to the pumpkin patch. After getting lost in a corn maze and carrying 60 pounds of pumpkins back to the car, we treated ourselves to homemade pumpkin ice cream. Upon hearing of our Pumpkin Day, the server brought us a third dish of the ice cream. 

I left my cell phone at the ice cream place and as Jennifer and I were driving to our next pumpkin destination, I realized it. Even though he was no help when we needed directions in the corn maze, I'm pretty sure Rick made me realize all of sudden that I needed to turn the car around to go get my phone. 

After retrieving the phone, Jennifer and I purchased pumpkin lattes and pumpkin beer (for later). We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening finishing season two of the Gilmore Girls. 

Today could have been terrible, but it wasn't. 

It was fantastic. 

If I had to handpick activities and experiences to comprise the perfect autumn day, today incorporated them all. It's true that I wish so much I could tell Rick every fun and funny thing that happened - especially our tales of the corn maze - but he already knows. And he's immeasurably thankful Jennifer was by my side on what had the potential to be a very sad day. 

Today, I missed Rick...because every day I miss Rick. But today, I smiled. A lot. Today, I laughed. A lot. 

Apparently pumpkins have mood-altering effects. Today could have been bad, but it was the opposite. 

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad you had a nice day. I don't know you, but seeing your smiling face in this picture (and the one with the GIANT pumpkin on Instagram :) ) just made me feel happy for you. You've been through unimaginable pain and I know it must have taken a lot to get to this point, to those expressions. I know there will still be lots of hard, sad days, but I hope you have a good number of opposite days as well <3


Help me feel less alone.