Thursday, October 30, 2014

Sometimes Reeling, Sometimes Healing

Every week is a new adventure. There are days I figuratively leap around, having fun and enjoying every element of this thing called life. My laughter is never forced, my smile is never weak, and my joy is real. Then there are days I am figuratively slammed with grief, smacked so hard I can hardly catch my breath. I cry and cry. I feel a deep, dark space inside of me. It's a roller coaster, a back and forth, and that crazy ride is what keeps me exhausted on a regular basis.

But still, every week is a new adventure.

I can tell that I am healing. There are scabs on all the wounds I feel inside. I hurt, but I am healing. 158 days of blogging... Every day I am heard is a day I am healed a tiny bit more.

It reminds me of a stream of consciousness prose-poem I wrote almost 10 years ago. Back then, I wrote it feeling a multitude of other things...but it's so relevant now.

Fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light. Here I go, again and new, fresh, awake, alive and true. Passing by the life I know and focusing on where to go, for I will follow where I’m neededpaths are taken, prayers are heeded. Brain’s mad switch is flicked off…on…I’m not here but I’m not gone... jittery and full of life, I need to live before I die. I need to find the reasons why and cry and sigh and say I tried. Dipped inside a vat of pain, I know I gain when I remain a seer of the songs of old and preacher of the words I hold. Along the sky I write my voice, in ink of breath…a thought, a choice. And still I’m’s sad end has seen me weep but still I bend. My words I send to you and yours, alone I smile as my heart soars. I know it pours. Water? Blood? My soul? My life? It pours, now cut through like a knife. And still I say, away away, fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light. Flickers of the sky’s dark space—it really makes you know your place—and will erase the pain you felt when all those others cruelly dealt their blows to you and all your soul, just breaking you, and you were whole, but pieces looked about to fall and so we’ll catch them, one and all. The sky knows best, it does not rest, and I protest…never. Fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light.

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