Within the confines of my heart, there is so much.
There are mysteries, emotions, fears, and excitement just waiting to burst out. I keep watch over what grows there, tending the garden diligently. Being a wife taught me a lot about life - what I want, what I don't want, what it means to compromise, to sacrifice, to plan, to prepare, to trust... Being a widow taught me a lot about life, too - what's important, what's not, what I can endure, what I am capable of, what remains and what leaves...
As I wrote back on December 2nd, I may have been a wife and I may be a widow, but along with both of those titles or without any of those titles, I'll always be a woman.
I don't associate strongly with the word "widow" anymore. I know it's true, that I am one, but for a while now I've been thinking of myself as a woman. Just a woman. Before I was ever a wife, before I was ever a widow...I was a woman.
I breathe, I work, I celebrate, I love, I cry, I laugh, I make mistakes, I smile, I dream...as a woman, not a widow. There is a song in my heart - the music that comes after lessons and pain.