The Ride

I actually learned quite a while ago not to plan things out specifically, because they just never turned out the way I planned. I used to sort of look 5 years into the future and picture my life. And the thing is: I have always been wrong. In fact, I've usually been way off base.

I never in a million years thought I'd be married already at the age of 23.

I never in a million years thought I'd marry a much older man.

I never in a million years thought I would have reached 30 years old and be childless.

I never in a million years thought that I would go to and complete graduate school.

I never in a million years thought I'd be a widow.

Or write a daily grief blog.

None of those things have been on my agenda. Or part of my game plan. And yet, they are the very things that have shaped me, given me deep experiences, and taught me what I want and don't want in life.

Lately, when I look out at the expanse of my future, I see it changing...morphing before my very eyes.  And I give up the 5 year plan once again...because life is just more fun this way.

What I've realized is that I don't need all the things I used to need. I don't need all the answers. I just need to live in the now. And I really like the exciting ride of life.