Saturday, February 7, 2015

Uncharted Territory

After a drive to and from Delaware for a friend's bridal shower, I'm back home and in for the night. The energy and bustle of a friendly and fun gathering is a stark contrast to the emptiness of my house. Talking on the phone is great...texting is fine too...and the internet holds no shortage of ways to connect with the outside world...but I long for kind of conversation you have with someone in the same room, close enough to touch and feel.

I enjoy my alone time...I really do...I like to be independent and busy, or to relax and think. I've never been someone who can't stand being alone in the sense that I like to be by myself because I'm okay with myself. But the fact of the matter is, you can't be by yourself all the time... and the night time is when I wish for the comfort and companionship I feel I am lacking.

There are so many things I could say. Sometimes I think I could write a 10 page blog post, babbling on and on about all of the emotions and thoughts I have every day. And still, there are also things that are so hard to put into words. Some people can understand those emotions and thoughts without a conversation. Some people don't understand even when paragraphs of words are cascading down a computer screen.

I told someone recently that I was complex. An arrangement of parts, all working for and against each other. Intricate. A compilation of pieces and ideas and characteristics. I suppose it's what makes me interesting... and I have to say, I've gotten to know myself pretty well over the years, but it must be difficult for others to peel back all my layers and really grasp the inner workings of my heart and soul. So few have been there. Uncharted territory.

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Help me feel less alone.